What does one say after being gone so long? Or is there anything that needs to be said at all?
I've thought of you often over the last few months- those twos and threes that used to stop by often. Those tens who stumble by by accident. I've come to the page with all intention of posting....but the fire was not there- not even an ember.
Blame it on a mid-life crisis of sorts. The months leading up to retirement were hectic. Excitement of new beginnings became anxiety and doubt. A man defines himself by his work and thus sentences himself to a hellish sort of non-being when the work is done.
Blame it on medication. Since I returned from Iraq sleeping has been a challenge. Its always been a challenge but made more so since I returned. Conversely, staying awake during the day has also become a challenge. So a sleep study and diagnosis of narcolepsy and a few handy dandy drugs- some to go to sleep and some to stay awake and things are great. Till I start taking them regular. And it turns out that one or both tend to conjure dark clouds.
Blame it on a spiritual malaise. For many months I have dealt with my own time in the desert. A time of silence from God. Never in doubt wherein lay my salvation and my strength but far from the warmth and assurance. No doubt that this was much my own doing in many ways.
But blame takes space and time that should better be used to apologize to friends for the silence and missed e-mails and absent responses. And so we begin again.