"When things get too deep, people drown." H/T Evangel
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sewage backup causes United Nations evacuation
Reuters had fun with this one. That's the actual headline above. That in itself is good enough for a number of jokes but I'll let Reuters do it instead:
(Reuters) - A sewage backup caused a big stink at the United Nations on Tuesday, forcing diplomats and their staff to evacuate the Security Council and General Assembly.
Spokesman Farhan Haq said the evacuation was a precautionary measure after a strange smell was noticed in parts of the U.N. secretariat building. He said the odor was due to sewage backup possibly caused by high tides in the nearby East River.
"There were gases released from the sewage but they're not harmful," Haq said. Firefighters and hazardous materials experts had been called to the scene. U.N. management officials were working to deal with the sewage problem, he said. More
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
mobile phones a risk to foetuses
Ok- I'm not taking it too seriously but its kinda funny these first couple of paragraphs:
From the Sydney Morning Herald
From the Sydney Morning Herald
PREGNANT women who regularly use mobile phones may be more likely to have children with behavioural problems, particularly if their children start using mobile phones in their first seven years, new research suggests.
American scientists reported that foetuses regularly exposed to mobile phones in the womb had a 30 per cent greater chance of behavioural difficulties at the age of seven.
Unfortunately its an American study
Mark your calendars for Jesus' return
If only it were before tax day...
A leader of a Christian organization claims he knows the date of Jesus' return, and he is using billboards in the Nashville area and other cities to proclaim what he believes.....
September 15-17 No wait, May 21- Hey, isn't that the last day of school?
Sigh- as Al Mohler rightly declares: "It's regrettable when Christians give to the secular world a reason for scorn and derision like this, and in doing so disobey Christ himself, who said that we will not know the day nor the hour (Matthew 25:13)," article here
A leader of a Christian organization claims he knows the date of Jesus' return, and he is using billboards in the Nashville area and other cities to proclaim what he believes.....
Sigh- as Al Mohler rightly declares: "It's regrettable when Christians give to the secular world a reason for scorn and derision like this, and in doing so disobey Christ himself, who said that we will not know the day nor the hour (Matthew 25:13)," article here
Funny e-mail
Sometimes you just got pass it on. This was an e-mail I got today from a friend...
As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan...
I no longer buy cookies from Woolies since I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband’s cousin’s best friend's beautician. .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet.
NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES A VERY GOOD DAY......AND A HEALTHY LIFE......
As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan...
I no longer buy cookies from Woolies since I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband’s cousin’s best friend's beautician. .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet.
NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES A VERY GOOD DAY......AND A HEALTHY LIFE......
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
405-Pound Chicken (of the sea)
SAN DIEGO -- A Central California man caught what is considered a world record-breaking tuna while fishing in Mexican waters. More here
Second record set by the man who caught the Tuna. He now has the world's longest arms. Man that's a lot of sandwiches....
Second record set by the man who caught the Tuna. He now has the world's longest arms. Man that's a lot of sandwiches....
WikiLeaks covering up for the United States
"Where are the documents to prove Bush intentionally lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in order to invade the country? Where is the WikiLeaks document, the State Department cable, whatever, that [Karl] Rove leaked Valerie Plame's name to the media? Where's all this good stuff? ... Rush Limbaugh H/T WND More here.
MRI scans live birth
A team comprised of obstetricians, radiologists and engineers have built an “open” MRI scanner that allows a mother-to-be to fit fully into the machine and give birth there, the hospital announced on Tuesday....more here
I think the baby's expression kinda sums up all the feelings one might have whilst one's head is being put through a vice...
I think the baby's expression kinda sums up all the feelings one might have whilst one's head is being put through a vice...
BIG SIS INVADES WAL-MART:
'IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING'
WASHINGTON -- Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano today announced the expansion of the Department’s national “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign to hundreds of Walmart stores across the country—launching a new partnership between DHS and Walmart to help the American public play an active role in ensuring the safety and security of our nation...More from the Drudge Report
...and its about time too! We all know how many terrorists have already come from the aisles of Wally World..oh wait. Well, just a matter of time, just look at these offerings from an ongoing surveillance by PeopleofWalmart.
I dare say these will scare the sugarplums out of you. Sweet dreams...
Osamama?
Kangaterrorroo!
Butterfly bombs
The REAL shoe bomber
If you see something, say something.....but really, what do you say?
This ought to keep the TSA folks busy for a while..
WASHINGTON -- Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano today announced the expansion of the Department’s national “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign to hundreds of Walmart stores across the country—launching a new partnership between DHS and Walmart to help the American public play an active role in ensuring the safety and security of our nation...More from the Drudge Report
...and its about time too! We all know how many terrorists have already come from the aisles of Wally World..oh wait. Well, just a matter of time, just look at these offerings from an ongoing surveillance by PeopleofWalmart.
I dare say these will scare the sugarplums out of you. Sweet dreams...
Osamama?
Kangaterrorroo!
Butterfly bombs
The REAL shoe bomber
If you see something, say something.....but really, what do you say?
This ought to keep the TSA folks busy for a while..
Friday, November 26, 2010
Obama gets 12 stitches after elbowing on hoops court
In a Friday morning pickup game,President Obama was accidentally elbowed by one of his fellow players, forcing him to get 12 stitches in his lip, the White House said. Obama received the stitches under local anesthesia in the doctor's office on the ground floor of the White House after he returned home from the game at Fort McNair, a military base where he often plays. (more from the WaPo)
Though the White House wouldn't release a full list of players (or suspects), incoming House majority leader John Boehner was known to be playing, though he denied any fouling on his part. While speculation continued as to the person responsible for the presidential "fat lip" Mr Obama was heard to mutter, upon leaving the court, "I knew inviting Pelosi was a bad idea."
Though the White House wouldn't release a full list of players (or suspects), incoming House majority leader John Boehner was known to be playing, though he denied any fouling on his part. While speculation continued as to the person responsible for the presidential "fat lip" Mr Obama was heard to mutter, upon leaving the court, "I knew inviting Pelosi was a bad idea."
Monday, November 15, 2010
Jack Russell chases mountain lion up tree
"He trees cats all the time," Mr Strenge told The Argus Leader newspaper. "I suppose he figured it was just a cat."
Friday, June 25, 2010
Geography 101
Innocent Bystanders reports on this gem from County Supervisor Peggy West of Milwaukee in discussions on whether the City of Milwaukee to boycott Arizona over SB1070. It appears that this official would have less of a problem with Arizona if only it were a tad closer to Mexico....huh?
“If this was Texas, which is a state that is directly on the border with Mexico, and they were calling for a measure like this saying that they had a major issue with undocumented people flooding their borders, I would have to look twice at this. But this is a state that is a ways removed from the border,”
Now after reading and perhaps even viewing such a pathetic statement one needs (besides a stiff drink) a bit of comic relief. May as well laugh as cry. Or laugh AS you cry over the state of education in our schools. Bride of Rove provides both with a comment left at HotAir who is also carrying the story.
True story. I was volunteering in my son’s fifth grade science class with two other moms and the topic of the day was the moon. I asked why there was no material on astronauts and moon landings? The two moms said they were relieved that fiction wasn’t being taught to kids.
Me: But. Lovell’s book Lost Moon. NASA. All of the video and science that has resulted in from the space program … velcro and Tang for crying out loud … do you really believe it was a hoax? Mrs. (teacher) help me out here.
Teacher: I don’t believe we actually went to the moon either so I don’t teach it.
Me: Interesting. So somehow all of those companies were in on the biggest lie ever perpetrated on the world.
I was unable to change their minds, though I made a valiant effort.
But the best is yet to come...for the punch line you have to visit the site. Made me laugh.
“If this was Texas, which is a state that is directly on the border with Mexico, and they were calling for a measure like this saying that they had a major issue with undocumented people flooding their borders, I would have to look twice at this. But this is a state that is a ways removed from the border,”
Now after reading and perhaps even viewing such a pathetic statement one needs (besides a stiff drink) a bit of comic relief. May as well laugh as cry. Or laugh AS you cry over the state of education in our schools. Bride of Rove provides both with a comment left at HotAir who is also carrying the story.
True story. I was volunteering in my son’s fifth grade science class with two other moms and the topic of the day was the moon. I asked why there was no material on astronauts and moon landings? The two moms said they were relieved that fiction wasn’t being taught to kids.
Me: But. Lovell’s book Lost Moon. NASA. All of the video and science that has resulted in from the space program … velcro and Tang for crying out loud … do you really believe it was a hoax? Mrs. (teacher) help me out here.
Teacher: I don’t believe we actually went to the moon either so I don’t teach it.
Me: Interesting. So somehow all of those companies were in on the biggest lie ever perpetrated on the world.
I was unable to change their minds, though I made a valiant effort.
But the best is yet to come...for the punch line you have to visit the site. Made me laugh.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
There Are No Accidents
Man- You know things are bad when your own dog runs you over with your own truck...
A Florida man was run over by his own pickup truck after his dog put it into gear, according to reports. (more)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Pick Me, Pick Me!
I don't have cable and don't watch much TV so I'm sure I'm the last to see this but it made me laugh and hope it does you as well
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Paperback Writer
"Paperback Writer" is a song written by the Beatles back in 1966. I was, um, younger then, and I remember listening to it and other Beatles songs throughout my life. But I never made the big jump to CDs. I always wanted to replace all my cassettes with CD but it was expensive and music became less of a focus for me. In the back of my mind, I have always wanted to start my collection, especially the classics, like the Beatles.
Well, over the week-end while shopping at Target, I remembered my goal and started looking for Beatles music, which have been rather scarce the last few years. And there it was. A CD composed of various singles that made it to number 1 and "Paperback Writer" was among them.
Today, for the first time ever, I figured out the first four words of "Paperback Writer." I've known for some time that the back vocals in the second verse were from the French children's song "Frère Jacques", but it wasn't till today, that I figured out the first four words.
I'm not sure rather that's funny or sad or some combination of the two and then some. But what a dork.
Well, over the week-end while shopping at Target, I remembered my goal and started looking for Beatles music, which have been rather scarce the last few years. And there it was. A CD composed of various singles that made it to number 1 and "Paperback Writer" was among them.
Today, for the first time ever, I figured out the first four words of "Paperback Writer." I've known for some time that the back vocals in the second verse were from the French children's song "Frère Jacques", but it wasn't till today, that I figured out the first four words.
I'm not sure rather that's funny or sad or some combination of the two and then some. But what a dork.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I THOUGHT I was back
But I guess I wasn't....
After returning from training I expected to get back to posting fairly regularly but obviously that was not the case. Some small minority of you may have even noticed.
But you see we've had a baby in the house and I've forgotten how much time they can take up. This one we found in the yard behind ours, a bold explorer who managed to wander from its mom and litter mates. We found it when it was about three weeks old, stumbling shaky legged through the underbrush after a neighbor brought it to our attention. Since it was in danger of being carried off by mosquitoes (any one of which was as big as she was) or worse yet to be a fine feast for the owl that lives in the tall trees behind us, we thought it best to bring her in. After a crash course in what 3 week old kittens eat (there is kitten formula BTW) and a visit from our mobile vet who pronounced her a) healthy b) about 3 weeks old and c) a she we settled in to finding her a home and taking care of her. This included feeding from a tiny bottle about 6 times a day for a while and teaching her sanitary habits with a litter box before which we were required to do mama cats job of "stimulating" her to do the job via wet paper towel. It was a grand day when she started using the pie pan that is her sand box.
We were also told by the vet that orphaned kitties need lots of "socializing" with many different people, otherwise they have an unfortunate habit of turning into "demon cats" (the vet's words) meaning they are really mean and hateful to all but those they bond with initially making adoption all but impossible. So we took her to work a few times and passed her about and for the most part she took to folks rather quickly her few pathetic, though heartfelt, hisses and spits notwithstanding. Now she is everywhere and in everything and must be crated whenever there is no one to watch her carefully. She has a home as soon as she is weaned and that day is almost here but for now still prefers a bottle to her gruel of kitten formula and some minced meat of the feline variety not easily recognizable by looks or smell to any human and that is "buried" by the kitten and our cat whenever possible.
So for now its us and the cat and the kitten and the three feral outdoor cats that we are feeding so that we can eventually trap and "fix" so that we have no more kittens. A task that we were apparently a bit tardy in accomplishing.
So its us and the cat and the kitten which are indoors and which I'm allergic to, and the three outdoor cats and the two outdoor kittens belonging to the queen which we didn't fix in time. We've seen them a couple a times though not lately, so they are either owl meat or being taken care of by mama cat till the time that they can be brought to the morning feeding that the other three get. They too will be eventually be trapped and fixed.
So its us and the cat and the kitten and my asthma, and the three outdoor cats and the two outdoor kittens and a sheep. Yup, a sheep. Our oldest son is raising a sheep for show through the FFA (Future Farmers of America). He goes to the barn (which is at the school) two times a day and feeds and cleans and walks and runs his sheep. Or rather I take him to the barn twice a day to feed and water and clean and walk and run his sheep.
But he has finished the play he was in so now gets home in the evening before 9:00 which is better for everyone since he's up at the barn by 0645.
And then there is the pumpkin patch. A little outreach project at the church that I am in charge of. We unloaded 800 pumpkins earlier in the month and expect another load about that size this week. I have to find folks to help unload and man the patch for selling purposes and this year it has been a challenge. I've spent quite a bit of time in the patch.
This last week-end I took my last Physical Training test of my Air Force career. 47 push ups in a minute, 37 sit ups in a minute (no I'm not proud of that) and a mile and a half run without requiring EMT intervention. At least I passed.
So now I'm back- sorta.
After returning from training I expected to get back to posting fairly regularly but obviously that was not the case. Some small minority of you may have even noticed.
But you see we've had a baby in the house and I've forgotten how much time they can take up. This one we found in the yard behind ours, a bold explorer who managed to wander from its mom and litter mates. We found it when it was about three weeks old, stumbling shaky legged through the underbrush after a neighbor brought it to our attention. Since it was in danger of being carried off by mosquitoes (any one of which was as big as she was) or worse yet to be a fine feast for the owl that lives in the tall trees behind us, we thought it best to bring her in. After a crash course in what 3 week old kittens eat (there is kitten formula BTW) and a visit from our mobile vet who pronounced her a) healthy b) about 3 weeks old and c) a she we settled in to finding her a home and taking care of her. This included feeding from a tiny bottle about 6 times a day for a while and teaching her sanitary habits with a litter box before which we were required to do mama cats job of "stimulating" her to do the job via wet paper towel. It was a grand day when she started using the pie pan that is her sand box.
We were also told by the vet that orphaned kitties need lots of "socializing" with many different people, otherwise they have an unfortunate habit of turning into "demon cats" (the vet's words) meaning they are really mean and hateful to all but those they bond with initially making adoption all but impossible. So we took her to work a few times and passed her about and for the most part she took to folks rather quickly her few pathetic, though heartfelt, hisses and spits notwithstanding. Now she is everywhere and in everything and must be crated whenever there is no one to watch her carefully. She has a home as soon as she is weaned and that day is almost here but for now still prefers a bottle to her gruel of kitten formula and some minced meat of the feline variety not easily recognizable by looks or smell to any human and that is "buried" by the kitten and our cat whenever possible.
So for now its us and the cat and the kitten and the three feral outdoor cats that we are feeding so that we can eventually trap and "fix" so that we have no more kittens. A task that we were apparently a bit tardy in accomplishing.
So its us and the cat and the kitten which are indoors and which I'm allergic to, and the three outdoor cats and the two outdoor kittens belonging to the queen which we didn't fix in time. We've seen them a couple a times though not lately, so they are either owl meat or being taken care of by mama cat till the time that they can be brought to the morning feeding that the other three get. They too will be eventually be trapped and fixed.
So its us and the cat and the kitten and my asthma, and the three outdoor cats and the two outdoor kittens and a sheep. Yup, a sheep. Our oldest son is raising a sheep for show through the FFA (Future Farmers of America). He goes to the barn (which is at the school) two times a day and feeds and cleans and walks and runs his sheep. Or rather I take him to the barn twice a day to feed and water and clean and walk and run his sheep.
But he has finished the play he was in so now gets home in the evening before 9:00 which is better for everyone since he's up at the barn by 0645.
And then there is the pumpkin patch. A little outreach project at the church that I am in charge of. We unloaded 800 pumpkins earlier in the month and expect another load about that size this week. I have to find folks to help unload and man the patch for selling purposes and this year it has been a challenge. I've spent quite a bit of time in the patch.
This last week-end I took my last Physical Training test of my Air Force career. 47 push ups in a minute, 37 sit ups in a minute (no I'm not proud of that) and a mile and a half run without requiring EMT intervention. At least I passed.
So now I'm back- sorta.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Cash For Codgers -- The President Lays Out New Universal Healthcare Program
So succesful was the "Cash For Clunkers" Program that the administration decided to use the concept to save healthcare dollars. Now when a young couple want to have a baby they can get the whole thing paid for by just bringing in an old person. I hear they pay extra for republicans...
Posted using ShareThis
"Cash For Codgers" -- The President Lays Out New Universal Healthcare Program from The Minority Report
Posted using ShareThis
Friday, July 24, 2009
Funny Friday-Diary of a Dog - Diary of a Cat
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 of my captivity- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 of my captivity- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
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